Sunday, May 19, 2013

That Explains A Lot...

My two year anniversary came and went, completely unnoticed by me. I wasn't expecting that. Last year I had a grand plan about where I would be when the two year mark rolled around and how there would be a grand celebration because I'd be done! Life had other plans. And by life, I mean me.

There's no arguing with science, even with a million ways to get to the same place. I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't waste the first 5 months of the year doing everything but losing weight.

Here I am, yet again, at the end of May, having spent the past five months bouncing around within the same 7 pounds. Up one week, down two weeks, up three weeks, down two weeks... I'M SO SICK OF THIS ROLLER COASTER!

I can get mad/sad/angry/pissed/self-loathing all I want, but none of it is constructive and it won't help me move forward. I've all but ignored my diet. Not that I subscribe to any particular "diet" but I'm no longer selective in what I'm eating. Not paying attention to portion sizes, eating schedules/nutrient timing, or macros. I just need to stop whining and buckle down. I don't know why this is such a sticking point. I need to power up my Green Lantern ring, because my will power has just up and left.

Things aren't all doom and gloom, though. I'm still working out and hitting new PRs each week with my deadlifts. I'm switching up my routines (pace, time of day, length, etc.) and have seen muscle definition in new places. I'm down to a size 14, which I honestly cannot remember ever (and I do mean EVER) having been this small. My BMI is no longer in the obese category, which is amazing all by itself. In a world where balance is key, it's important to know how far you've come.

But I am having a hard time with the road ahead. I've been plateaued for 5 months and my frustration is on the verge of turning into desperation. My BMR (basal metabolic rate, calories I need if I sleep all day) is 2,300 and I eat around 1,700 calories per day while working out 5 times per week. I'm about ready to kiss carbs goodbye just to get that quick drop (I know, it's illogical and not good to keep my heavy lifts progressing). Should I drop weight lifting altogether for a bit and focus on HIIT only? Should I do a juice cleanse? Someone talk me off the fad diet ledge!

Please don't say that the weight I'm putting on is muscle. There are plenty of people who can lose weight while still lifting weights. And I understand that scale weight isn't everything, I do. That applies when you're in your goal range. I'm NO WHERE NEAR my goal range. I could lose another 50+ and STILL be in the mid-range of my "goal weight for my height." I have no desire to lose another 50+ on top of the 90+ I've already dropped, but I am trying to hit my range. 111 is my first major weight loss goal and I'd be perfectly fine leveling off at 125 lost.

I don't know what I'm looking for, but I hope that by putting my frustrations and insecurities out there, it will free up some space in my head so I can at least stop thinking about this all the time.

Before this gets even more out of control, I just want to flat out say I'M ASKING FOR SOME HELP HERE. There's nothing wrong with putting the call out for support. Anyone using MyFitnessPal? If so, I could really use some accountability on that platform. Add me! My user ID is JMo_2814.

I have spoken with a few people who have mentioned that this plateau could be seasonal. Perhaps a natural, human reaction to winter? Does anyone else find it hard to drop pounds at the beginning of the year?

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy talking with y'all? I get emails and messages all the time sharing things and asking for a little motivation. I'm not kidding when I say that sometimes y'all keep me going. This is an up and down battle, some days are fantabulous and others aren't. But it's all part of the journey. The good wouldn't feel as great without the bad.

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