But schooling still has milestones. Elementary, Middle/Jr High, High School, and for some, College (and beyond!). Education bullshit and redtape aside, you move on from one grade to the next by showing that you were able to learn and apply certain principles.
Well, I feel like I'm ready to graduate from Weight Watchers (WW). When I joined in May of 2011, it was "in secret." WW was my own, private support system. It afforded me the opportunity to learn quite a bit about what I was putting into my body. I joined a few different groups, and really got to blogging and making friends.
What I loved most about this system was that no one here knew me. I was 100% honest, 100% of the time. How can I say that with any certainty? I had no reason to lie. And hadn't I already spent enough time hiding because of my weight? From day one, I blabbed my starting weight, my eventually goal weight, and every up and down along the way. When I had a binge day (and there were many), when I hated the reflection in the mirror (quite a few of those too), and when I broke through numbers I honestly hadn't seen in 12 years, I was able to share everything with my WW friends, free from fear of judgement. It was liberating!
As I rebuilt my self-esteem, I gradually shared what I was doing with more family and close friends. A side effect I didn't expect was that my support network had expanded. 9 months into WW and 50lbs later, the cat was out of the bag. Now everybody knew. I was honestly shocked by the amount of support I received when I shared my journey. More surprising was my new-found (well, re-found!) IDGAF attitude!
As expected with progress comes plateau. 24 weeks bouncing around within the same 10lbs very nearly broke my spirit. Thoughts of, "I guess this is as good as it gets," started to creep into my head, and I felt my confidence faltering again.
One night, I just said fuck it. I'm not done, and I WILL push through. In that moment I knew that I had graduated. Why? Because I didn't revert back to my old ways. I didn't punish myself for failing. I called upon everything I'd picked up over the past year and re-examined my routines. I found all sorts of things I could improve upon, and I put together a plan to do so. You may have heard of #OperationSweatySummer?
I put in hours of research, sweat, and set out to expand my support system even further. It worked. I'm no longer in the closet about my weight loss. I'm working hard to undo years of bad habits, and I'm kickin' ass and takin' names along the way!
This was my totally long-winded way of saying I have stepped into the next phase of my journey. This feels like moving from high school to college. Ever since I hit the 75lb milestone, lots of people have asked me what my goal is. Well, the goal is 111 total pounds lost. I don't think 111 will be the end, though. 140 isn't out of the question, but I don't want to set myself up for failure.
Right now, I'm trying to lose 111 pounds. When I get there, I'll see what my options are. I've come a long way from the fat girl who couldn't fit in the movie theater seat for Fast Five. I don't have my degree in Badassery yet, but I'm working on it.
If you've read this far, thank you. Thanks to everyone for their kind words, and even the not so kind ones when I need some tough love!
I know y'all have seen this. If you haven't, watch it! If you have, watch it again!
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